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Again this behavior does not mean a lie is being told, but it does signify the person is anxious about the current topic. When people massage their neck it lowers their heart rate and calms them down. Her baseline behavior includes frequent neck touching. In her case I do not pay much attention because I know it is normal behavior. Arm Behavior Our arms serve to protect our trunk and vital organs from threat. When cross our arms on our chest we are usually reacting to some external threat, and subconsciously protect ourselves.
We often cross our arms when we hear something threatening, confrontational or when we feel vulnerable. Interesting Fact: Hitler used to raise his right arm in salute, but almost always had his left arm in front of his crotch. Subconsciously this could have happened because he was missing his left testicle and he wanted to protect the area. This is the same concept as the face--not only do our emotions cause body language behaviors, but body language can also activate certain emotions.
Arm crossing compounds our already close-minded and fearful attitude. When you see someone cross their arms, you can help move them to a more comfortable mindset by asking them to sit down if they are standing , or handing them a glass of water if they are sitting to get them to physically uncross their arms and out of the defensive mindset. The opposing behavior to crossed arms occurs when we swing and move our arms freely.
For example, children are more mentally free and tend to have freer range of motion with their arms. Typically, the more arm use you see the happier and more confident the person is.
Interesting Fact: When athletes win a race they almost always raise their arms and chin to the sky. Even blind athletes do this after finishing a race, even though they never saw others do this. It seems to be an inherent response to winning, and is the body language of pride and confidence. Clenched Fists Arms Cross: If someone has their fists clenched as they cross their arms it means they are feeling even more hostile and aggressive than a normal arm cross. Thumbs Up Arms Cross: If someone has their thumbs up while their arms are crossed they are exhibiting signs of having a superior attitude.
Thumbs up cross is both confident and superior. Stiff vs. Drooping: Stiff arms are usually a sign of nervous tension. Depressed people usually exhibit drooping, lifeless armsï¿½this is why cartoons always depict people who are grouchy or sad as slouching with hanging arms.
This is a universal body language behavior for sadness. Arms Behind the Back: When people put their arms behind their back and grab one wrist, it shows supreme confidence. Politicians and British royals often do this. This is a powerful gesture because it exposes the most vulnerable part of the bodyï¿½the groin for men and chest area for women.
Only a supremely confident person places their hands behind their back in that way. Territorial Claims: When a subject puts their arm around another chair or spreads their arms out on a table they are putting on a territorial display of control and dominance. You will see people do this in business scenarios when they want to show they are in the power position.
You also see men act this way on dates to assert dominance. Another way to assess how confident someone feels is by watching where they place their elbows in a chair with arms. If they place their elbows on the inside of a chair, taking up as little space as possible, this usually denotes low selfesteem.
Hands on Hips: Putting hands on your hips is typically an aggressive stance. Men in the military do this with their hands on their hips and thumbs on lower backs. You will see people do this when they are feeling attacked or threatened, but want to visually communicate they are standing their ground. In addition people often puff out their chest when their hands are on their hips and they feel confrontational.
Hands Behind Head : Putting hands behind your head which is often accompanied by putting feet on a desk makes you seem bigger, relaxed and in charge. As with other physical behaviors these also are the exact feelings that cause you to take those actions.
This is not only a territorial claim placing feet on the desk , but also a confidence behavior. You take up physical space and leave the torso exposed. Hand Behavior Hand behavior is usually the second area people notice after their facial movements. Handshakes also typically call our attention to hands during an initial greeting. Our brains actually give a disproportionate amount of attention to the wrists, palms, fingers and hands. Researchers think this is because we have a survival need to assess hands.
Hitler used to film himself speaking so he could observe his hand movements. He wanted to use them more powerfully for audiences because he intuitively knew how important they are to perception. In general, showing your hands is honest and hiding them is seen as deceptive. Interesting Fact: Jurors find defendants who put their hands under the table more sneaky or mistrustful.
Here are a few hand behaviors and their corresponding meanings: Shame: When people are embarrassed or feel intense shame you will often see them lightly touch or gently rub the side of their forehead. This can be accompanied by a slight head nod or a sadness microexpression. Steepling: Steepling occurs when someone brings their hands up towards their chest or face and presses the tips of their fingers together.
This is a gesture of confidence, selfassuredness and even superiority. This can easily be done to inspire confidence in yourself and others during a meeting or interview. This is of particular benefit for females as it is seen as an assertive gesture, not aggressive. Putting hands in the prayer position, a slight variation of the steeple, is a less confident gesture.
Rubbing Palms Together: When we rub our palms together it means we have a positive expectation of the subject at hand. The faster the pace of the rub, the more positive and excited we feel.
We rub our palms together when we are excited about something that is about to happen. Pointing the Finger: Pointing a finger at someone is an aggressive act. It always rubs people the wrong way as it seems accusatory to the receiving party.
Doing this regularly can breed long-term mistrust. Fists: Whenever you see someone with clenched fistsï¿½whether in an arm cross, on a desk or in their lap, it means they have a restrained, anxious or negative attitude. Face Hold: When people especially women place their hands under their chin in a presentation of the face, this is usually an invitation for more interaction. It shows interest and is typically seen in romantic situations as a flirtatious behavior.
Thumb Behavior: When we display our thumbs in the up position it is positive, cool and confident. When people put them in the down position or hide them in pockets it is the oppositeï¿½ signifying low self-esteem, shyness or low confidence.
This is because the thumbs draw attention to the male genitals and is therefore the ultimate come hither moveï¿½think the Fonz from Happy Days who loved that stance. Be careful not to overuse it.
Although it is a confidence behavior for males, it can be perceived as too aggressive for some females. Palm Behavior: The palms up position is the universal symbol for openmindedness and trustworthiness as you are literally showing your hand. When people put their palms down as they speak it tends to rub people the wrong way because it connotes superiority and concealment.
Chin Stroking: As seen in most cartoons, chin stroking usually happens when someone is trying to decide something or figure out an answer.
In sales you might see someone do this and then sit back with their arms crossedï¿½this usually means they made a negative decision to refuse your request. We stroke our chin when trying to make a decision or while figuring something out.
Rubbing Neck vs. Rubbing Forehead: Desmond Morris found that the tissues in the neck have increased blood flow when someone lies. This is why people often rub their neck when they lie. People who rub their neck are often anxious.
In fact, Gerard Nierenberg found that those who rub the back of their neck are more negative and critical than those who rub their foreheadsï¿½these people are typically more open and easy going. A slap or rub of the forehead usually means someone is unsure or surprised. Touching or Chewing: When people fidget with their jewelry, touch their hair, cufflinks or tie, they are usually nervous and want reassurance.
These are self-comforting gestures. Covering the Mouth: People usually cover their mouths when one of two things happen. The first situation where people cover their mouth is when they are surprised or shocked. The second is when they tell a lie. You see this with children who cover their mouths when telling a lie. Adults who are lying still do this by wiping their mouth or lips.
Body Proxemics Proxemics is the physical space between people and how they move in relation to each other. Typically intimate space extends 6 to 18 inches away from a person. Personal space is 18 to 48 inches away and social space is 4 to 12 feet away.
Our personal space is very important to us. You can often gauge how shy or open someone is by noticing how far they stand from you while speaking. Keep in mind that proxemics can vary culturally; these numbers are based on American standards. The most intimate proxemic activity is touch because it has the least amount of distance between people.
When used correctly touch can increase trust and connection. In one experiment researchers at the University of Minnesota put a coin in a phone booth and then returned to ask the next person if they had left it. All of the people who got their hands touched rated the librarian more favorably in an exit survey. Appropriate touch breeds rapport and relationships. Therefore less intimate areas you might apply touch are from the elbow to the hand.
Elbow to shoulder can be OK, but still more intimate than elbow to hand, and anything on the trunk goes into personal spaceï¿½so you should only touch someone on their torso, head or neck if you know them well. Interesting Fact: When no one else is around, smokers tend to blow smoke up when they are feeling good and down when they are feeling negative. Distance and touch are not the only aspects of proxemics.
Angles between subjects and body direction are also important. People who are interested in what you are saying will aim their body and feet towards you while speaking. If they are not interested or distracted they will often turn their body away from you or point their feet towards the exit. Objects also play a factor in proxemics. As I mentioned above, people place objects in front of them when they feel threatened or vulnerable. The closer someone puts an object to their body the more insecure they feel.
People do this with notepads, purses, briefcases, pillows and coffee mugs. Someone putting a coffee mug on the table next to them is not an insecure behavior. However picking up that same cup and placing it directly in front of them, or between the two of you or holding it in front of their chest is usually a subconscious protective behavior. What we say might not be important as how we say it.
Voice tone, vocal patterns and word choice are great clues for spotting lies and hidden emotions. In a study researchers found that liars are much more talkative and use a third more words than people telling the truth.
This is because liars tend to provide more and more detail to convince you of their lie. The most effective lie detection technique is to stay quiet and listen. You want to see if and how the other person fills the silence. We intuitively know to ask open-ended questions and search for deeper meaning when we think we are being lied to.
To test this point researchers had two groups of people participate in online chats. In one group people were told the truth. In another people were told lies by the other person chatting with them. The group being lied to asked far more questions than the group hearing the truth. Somehow people knew there was something fishy going on and kept digging deeper. This is exactly how you should behave in a situation where you want the truthï¿½keep quiet until they stop talking and then continue to ask open-ended questions.
Phone calls and person-to-person interaction is where the most lies happen. This is why it is always good to follow up in-person meetings with a summary email the subject can confirm. There are a few things to look out for when speaking to someone on the phone or in person before following up in writing. Verbal Clues to Deception 1.
They might also delay with parrot statements or by repeating your own previous words. An honest person will want the truth out as soon as possible. Answering with Generalizations Another way people delay their response to buy time to think about their lie is by answering with a sweeping generalization. This is a way of avoiding having to flat out lie. Brainstorming with You Honest people will often help you brainstorm suspects and they are cooperative.
They are more than willing to talk to you about the topic because they do not feel guilt or fear they have something to hide. Guilty people will try to get off the topic as soon as possible and then show relief once the topic is changed.
Punishment Recommendations If you ask an honest person what they think the punishment should be for the crime you are talking about, they will most likely be strict. If you ask a guilty person, they will suggest leniency because they are the one who did it.
This is a strategy used by some police with suspects they believe are guilty. Beware: Pathological liars can be extremely manipulative and they might suggest even harsher punishments for themselves because they think of themselves as immune to punishment.
Interesting Fact: Studies found people lie in one in ten interactions with their spouses. However, this is far higher for interactions with romantic partners who are not spouses.
Non-married romantic partners lie in one in three interactions! However, even though spouse lie less, they do tell the grandest lies. Non-Contracted Statements Subconsciously, honest people want to tell the truth as soon as possible. Liars rehearse their story and usually do not have as many sensory details because it did not actually happen.
They also usually have a long built up prologue, whereas honest people get right through to the meat of the story. Some researchers suggest having liars draw out the story after telling it. Researchers had one group of subjects participate in a fake espionage game and another group pretend they participated in the game. Then the researchers asked both subjects to draw certain details of the experience. This makes sense because honest people drew from their own genuine perspective.
Liars made up their story so they could only draw the entire scene from the overhead perspective. If you notice a significant difference when a given topic comes up, this can be a red flag. Stop Start Sentences Liars will often start a sentence and then stop in the middle, as if they are confirming the thought in their head or making sure it matches the story. They might also waver back and forth on an idea. They can jump from one opinion or fact to the next because they are unsure of what you believe and what will be convincing.
You might also notice they have a varied speech rate in between their sentences. Sometimes they speak fast and sometimes they slow down. Liars do this as their brain tries to process the lie on the way to their mouth.
Character Testimony Sometimes liars will try to convince you that they are a good person or reference their character instead of giving you information on the lie. They could say. But, I just got a raise. This is another subtle difference between liars and truth tellers.
Liars are trying to convince you of something, whereas honest people are trying to convey something. If someone is telling you the truth they are simply conveying what happened. The verbal clues above will help you decipher if someone is convincing or conveying. Voice Tone and Bonding Being attuned to voice tone is also important for bonding.
In one study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that when employees mirrored the voice patterns and verbal activity level during interviews this built rapport and made them more conversationally engaging.
In this chapter I want to review the most common clues to deceit and how they appear as clusters of red flags during interactions. Most Common Lying Gestures Frozen Bodies: When people freeze their upper bodies it is usually because their limbic response is taking over.
When someone knows they have to lie, they typically feel fearful and their limbic brain tells their body to freeze so as not to attract attention. Odd Smiles: It is easier to control the bottom half of our face, so liars usually actively put their mouths in whatever feigned expression they want you to believe.
Remember the one sided smile is actually the micro-expression for contempt. It means the person feels disdain or hatred at what you are talking about. Lip Pursing: People purse their lips when they are holding back information. They are literally trying to hold it in. If you see this behavior it is a good idea to ask some open-ended questions to find out what is being held back.
Lip-pursing is a big red flag because it usually means someone is holding something back or is unhappy with the way things are going. If their head movement does not match their verbal message, it is a red flag and a signal to dig a little deeper.
Delayed or Mismatched Behavior: Honest people have great synchronicity between words and gestures. Watch out for people who have delayed or mismatched reactions. If they say they are angry, but their eyebrows rise in surprise this is a red flag. If they say they are worried but then make a worried microexpression, this is a red flag. Eye Blocking: When people squint, rub or shield their eyes, they are hearing or saying something they do not want to see or acknowledge. One-Sided Lifts: I mentioned that any kind of uneven behavior, whether a onesided mouth or eyebrow raise or a one-sided shoulder shrug, is a red flag for deceit.
Nervous Gestures: You should pay extra attention any time a subject exhibits nervous behavior as it indicates they may lie about the topic. Here are some common nervous behaviors mentioned in previous chapters: -Hand wringing -Tapping feet -Inward curled feet -Biting the inner cheek, lips, nails or pens -Sweating or heavy breathing -Tightly crossed arms -Fidgeting with jewelry or cufflinks How We React to Our Own Lies We subconsciously have reactions to our own lies.
We have a subconscious aversion to lying even though everyone does it with great frequency. Here are a few things liars subconsciously do in negative reaction to their own lies: 1. Cover the Mouth People will typically cover or wipe their mouths after a lie because they do not like what they are saying.
Moving Back After telling a lie you will often see the liar lean their body back as if they are trying to get away from the incriminating statement. They might also scoot back their chair. Tingling Nose Scientists at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago found that when you lie, chemicals are released in nasal tissue causing slight swelling. This increased blood flow can cause slight itching.
When people lie they tend to rub their nose. Perhaps the Pinocchio fable was not so far off. This example shows why baselining is very important. It is usually done by someone who feels superior to the person they are patting. Women do this to flirt. Interesting Fact: In paintings over the last two thousand years, women are depicted with a tilted head three times as often as men.
How to Get Someone to Tell You More: When you sit down to speak with someone you want to read in-depth, there are a few tactics you should use. After baselining your subject, remember to ask openended questions and then wait for complete responses. Here are some additional ways to get the subject to divulge even more information: Do Not Fill the Silence.
Wait an extra beat after your subject finishes talking to make sure they do not have anything else to add. It is amazing how much liars will divulge in these moments. Invade Their Personal Space: People get a bit rattled when you enter their personal space. Pull a chair closer, or take a step towards them. This makes them feel more transparent and will often encourage them to dig a little deeper.
Ask them About Motivation: Ask someone what possible motivation there could have been for the actions in question. Liars have their own reasons and therefore have an easier time coming up with possible explanations. Nod Your Head: Head nodding is a universal sign of agreement.
Research shows that people will talk three to four times more than usual if the listener nods their head as the speaker talks. You can also do this when someone finishes speaking to get them to say more. When someone finishes speaking, stroke your chin the body language for thinking and nod your head three times to get them to keep talking. If they have anything they are holding back, this can unlock their thoughts by making you seem interested and agreeable. How to Get Someone to Confess: Talk in a Different Way: In addition to asking someone to draw their story as mentioned in the last chapter , you can also ask them to retell the story backwards or with different starting points.
Honest people have no problem with this, whereas liars have a more difficult time rearranging events because their story is not real. Propose Possible Rationalizations: Liars tend to feel relief or perk up when you create a rationalization for their wrongdoing. Tell a Worse Version: Tell the subject a more damning version of what you think happened and see if they try to correct you. If they do, you get a confession. You also can see if they react to the worse version in a different way than what you think actually happened.
Then you ask them if they took money and a credit card out of your wallet and they say no, but begin to gesticulate and get animated. Their different reaction to the two stories shows you that one is true and one is false. You can discern the answer by pursuing a different line of questioning. Minimize the Significance: This is a classic technique used by TV show cops all the time.
Empathize with the person you are speaking with and make the wrongdoing sound like no big deal. Often times the subject will latch on to this lenient line of thinking and either confess or give you a clue as to their thinking. It is important to note that even honest people can mess up or have trouble getting out what really happened when under extreme pressure.
This is why it is important to stay calm during the interaction with your subject and if you know that they are skittish, be less aggressive to keep them calm. Here are some other areas to pay particular attention to when thinking about what your nonverbal behavior is saying to the world. Of course you want to do this subtly and with caution. It is difficult to mimic someone in a genuine fashion.
If they notice your attempts it can feel unnerving or forced. Angle Yourself: When people are seated directly across from one another at a table subjects are able to recall less of what is said. The other person is also always perceived to be more antagonistic. When our bodies are positioned directly opposing someone else, our brains follow suit. At everything from parties to interviews, it is best to sit or stand at a slight angle.
This is much less threatening and lowers the heart rate of both participants. On dates, couches or circular tables where you can angle your body towards each other are best. This is the ideal angle to speak at a party or meeting. You want to be turned in towards each other, but not directly opposed. Remember you can look at foot behavior to tell if someone is not totally engaged in your conversation.
Seating Choices: In addition to choosing seats at an angle instead of directly opposing your partner, you should also avoid sitting on low sofas or chairsï¿½they make you look small and weak. If you have to sit on a sofa sit on the edge so you are not forced to slouch.
Also be sure to make use of chair arms instead of resting arms against your body. Keeping arms close to your body also makes you look weak and childlike. Alternatively you might be on a public bus and do not want someone to sit down next to you. This may be rude, but will work more often than not! Lying can be dangerous both legally and personally. A lie is considered common-law fraud if it misrepresents a material fact and the liar knows or believes that it is untrue. If the liar intends to mislead a victim into making a decision or action based on the lie, this can often lead to damage or injury to the victim.
Lying is also bad for your health. Anita Kelly, a psychology professor from the University of Notre Dame, randomly put people aged 18 to 71 into two groups.
One group was told to stop telling lies. The control group was told nothing. Each week the groups were asked with polygraph tests how many lies they told each week and gave updates on their relationship status and health. Amazingly, the group that was trying to tell less lies said they felt less depressed and anxious and had less health issues like colds and headaches.
The group that lied less also felt their personal relationships improved. Interestingly, we often lie hoping to gain power. Power has some of the opposite effects that lying has. Subconsciously we make the choice to brave lying in order to get a chance at receiving some of the positive benefits of power.
However, power has negative social effects and when our lies do not work, we are left worse off than when we started. The moral of the story? Tell the truth. How to Make A Great First Impression Most people will judge you within the first second of meeting you and their opinion will most likely never change.
Making a good first impression is incredibly important; you only get one shot at it. Princeton University psychologist Alex Todorov and coauthor Janine Willis, had subjects look at a microsecond of video of a political candidate. Amazingly, research subjects could predict with percent accuracy who would win the election just from that microsecond of tape. This tells us that people can make remarkably accurate snap judgments in a tenth of a second. How can you ensure people judge you accurately and also see your best side?
First, you never want to give an inauthentic impression ï¿½ many people can intuitively feel if someone is being fake. Second, any time you meet someone for the first time, you should start on the right foot.
Handshakes: Handshakes are extremely important. A firm, straight up and down handshake is most favorable. When shaking hands, you may sometimes encounter what is known as a dominant handshake.
The weaker person is on the bottom part of the handshake because they have exposed the underside of their wristï¿½which is a physically weaker position. You often see politicians jockey for the dominant handshake position when meeting in front of cameras.
If someone does this to youï¿½ and you feel them pull your palm up as their hand takes the upper positionï¿½beware of their aggression or perceived feelings of superiority. Two equals usually shake hands up and down with no one on the top or bottom. Think Up: How you hold yourself is a crucial part of first impressions.
Often simply being aware of your body language can result in immediate improvements. Another way to examine your body language is to look at yourself on a video walking around a room.
When in doubt, think up. Hold your head up, keep your shoulders up, and stand straight up. These are the nonverbal cues for confidence and strength. Avoid bad days: People who go to cocktail events or mixers after having had a bad day typically continue to have a bad day.
If you are in a depressed or anxious mood others will pick up on this from your facial expressions, comments and body language. Otherwise find a way to snap yourself out of your bad mood.
I find working out or watching funny YouTube videos before events often gets me in a more social, feel good mood. Less Stuff: Try to only carry one bagï¿½not a briefcase and a purse. Also remove outerwear and hang it up before going into a party or interview.
The more you carry the more disorganized you appear to others. Chapter 7: Special Areas I give many examples in previous chapters using nonverbal behavior in special situations such as business, dating and parenting.
Below I give a brief overview of some tips for people in love, people in business, human resource and sales as well as some advice for public speakers. Interactions Between Men and Women: Dating, Romance and Love Courtship is one of the most difficult and nerve-ridden times of our lives. If you are trying to meet the love of your life, or just looking for a good time, body language can change the way you interact.
The tips below will help give you an edge in the dating scene. Be sure to also check out my ebook on lie detection and nonverbal behavior for dating, romance and love at ScienceofPeople. Flirting Behavior Like Marilyn Monroe, women who are trying to entice a man tend to raise their eyebrows and lower their lids because it looks similar to the face women make when they orgasm.
This signifies estrogen and exposes the vulnerability of the neck and releases pheromones. Women instinctively do this when trying to flirt. Women toss their hair or touch their neck when flirting because it exposes the armpit, which releases sex hormones, shows the curvature of the neck and highlights shiny healthy hair. This is called selfmimicry and it helps attract males.
Women call attention to their lips by wearing glossy or bright colored lipstick. This is why while smoking, many women hold the cigarette with one wrist turned out and exposed. They lie about themselves eight times more than they lie about others. Women lie less about themselves and more to protect others feelings or to make others feel better about themselves.
Female Behavior: Women are better at sending and picking up body language cues than men. In fact researcher Monika Moore found men often miss a women's first eye-gazing courtship signal. On average women need to eye-gaze three times before a man takes notice.
In another study participants were asked to decode a silent movie. Interestingly gay men and men in highly emotional jobs nursing, teaching and acting did nearly as well as women. When in an MRI women have 14 to 16 active brain areas while evaluating others, whereas men only have 4 to 6 active. Women with large eyes, a small nose, full lips and high cheeks are seen by men as more attractive because these features are usually correlated with high levels of estrogen, which means the woman is more fertile.
In men, women like legs, butt, and chest and arms. Male Behavior: Men are not nearly as expressive as women. In fact women make an average of six facial expressions in 10 seconds, while men only make two. The more couples mirror each other; the better they tend to get along. When men want to possess something including a woman they tend to lean on, touch or hold her. Tips for Men and Women: When approaching a woman, men should never come up to a woman from behind, as this will put her on guard.
They are better off coming in at an angle and then standing at an angle see previous chapters on why this is beneficial for connection. Studies show that men are more attracted to a woman who engages in flirtation behavior to show she is available over the best-looking woman in the room. So beware of dark restaurants. Business Body Language and Nonverbal Behavior Every single one of the tips from previous chapters can be applied in the business environment. I want to point out some special tips for those in business ï¿½whether you are an entrepreneur, employer, employee, human resource director or manager.
Be sure to also check out my ebook on lie detection and nonverbal behavior for businesses on ScienceofPeople. Interviewing: Finding ideal employees can be a challenge. There are some tactics you can use to make interviews more successful.
Always conduct interviews without a table. If you must use a table using glass. Do not sit directly facing each other. This causes animosity and blocks recall. Keep in mind, no matter how mundane your questions are, your interviewee is most likely going to be nervous for the whole interview so you will be probably only be able to get a nervous baseline.
You might also have another colleague in the room to get a second opinion on odd behavior. This shows you have nothing to hide.
Counter this by building rapport. Get more information about their needs and concerns before you go in for your big ask. This immediately puts you on opposing sides. Try to sit in angled chairs next to each other. The brain loses blood flow as blood rushes to the stomach to aid digestion, so is less able to reason.
The moves inspire confidence for others but also for yourself. Confidence Gestures: Steepling Steepling is a great gesture of confidenceï¿½just lightly place the tips of your fingers together.
Putting your elbows on your armrest Putting your hands behind your back while standing Not crossing your arms Taking up more, not less physical space Planting your feet firmly on the ground Public Speaking Public speaking can be incredibly difficult. By thinking about your body language as well as your words, you will be able to connect with your audience on a deeper level. Be careful not to point at your slides or the audience.
This is seen as aggressive behavior. Instead squeeze your fingers together with your thumb or use an open palm point. Look at both corners and the middle of the room repeatedly to reach all audience members. So be sure to repeat key points and use visual aids like power points or videos.
The audience will then focus on finding evidence of your nerves instead of listening to the content of your presentation. Standing behind the lectern the entire time makes it look like you are hiding something -- the audience cannot see the bottom half of your body.
Research tells us what our bodies do when we feel certain emotions. We have to interpret and act upon that knowledge in our own way. It is important to remember there is no one expression that means someone is lying. Every behavior must be taken in context and related to other clues. Reading people also takes focus and concentration.
You cannot effectively read people while looking at iPhones or multi-tasking. Giving someone your full focus will not only help you read them better, but will also show them you are genuinely interested in themï¿½which is the best foundation for true relationships and connection. But maybe what you say is not as important as how you say it Are you communicating all of your best traits in an interview?
What is your body language and nonverbal behavior saying to the interviewer? You can also email them this appendix, we have the article at ScienceofPeople. Here are a few tips to give you the extra nonverbal edge to get the job: 1.
Have One Bag This might sound crazy, but research has found that when people carry more than one item they look disorganized, messy and scattered.
If you are a man carry one briefcase if you are a woman have one purse with your notes or resume in the bag. Also, jackets count. If possible have the receptionist or secretary take your coat and hat before walking into the interview.
This simple trick is a nonverbal way to make you look more sharp and put together. Don't Forget the Back of Your Shoes! One study found that female interviewers look at the back of a person's shoes in almost every interview -and this is the last impression you leave them with. So be sure you have them buffed, not scuffed. Smile Right A lot of interview advice says that people should smile more in interviews, but this is not always a good idea. People who smile too much are actually perceived as submissive and weak!
Many studies have shown that people in positions of power actually do not smile much at all but rather smile at the right time. You want to smile when you first meet the person and shake their hand, when you talk about subjects you are passionate about and at the end of the interview while saying goodbye.
This is especially important for females--smiling too much because you are nervous or trying to build rapport actually does the opposite, it makes females look less smart not more friendly. Sit Right If possible try to sit at a slight angle from the interviewer. Our brains are funny organs, research has shown that when we sit directly across from someone we recall less of what was said, we are more negative and feel they are opposing us.
Simply sitting at a slight angle can change this automatic brain bias. Don't Contract, Don't Expand In an interview you want to take up the right amount of space.
When we are nervous we tend to 'turtle' which is when you bring your neck down and your shoulders up to take up less space. We also try to make ourselves as small as possible--women cross their legs, men fold their arms over their chest. This shows the interviewer you are insecure and can make it look like you have something to hide. So relax your arms, plant your feet and don't let your body show your tension.
Occasionally men will do the opposite, they will try to claim territory by taking up as much space as possible, draping an arm over the couch or spreading legs wide while they talk. This is very aggressive and will make the other person taking subconscious or even conscious note of the territorial move.
Start in the Parking Lot When possible start all of your nonverbal tips in the parking lot before you even enter the building. I have heard many stories of people who were friendly in an elevator and that person ended up being one of the people who made a hiring decision. Researcher Amy Cuddy has found that using powerful, confident body language actually causes you to feel more powerful.
So you can rev up your confident mental state by starting early. Loose Grip When people are nervous they tend to grip the arms of their chair or clench their fists at their sides. This subconsciously sends the signal that you are preparing for battle or are defensive.
Take deep breaths and keep your hands loose and relaxed. No matter what, go in and be yourself. When you are not genuine, people pick up on it. So take a deep breath, try to keep these tips in mind and show 'em what you have to offer! Appendix 2: Microexpressions You are welcome to tear these out and bring them with you to study.
Here are the seven universal facial microexpressions again: 1 Surprise: Surprise is the briefest of emotions. Appendix 3: Lance Armstrong As I have mentioned, watching the news and television can be a great way to practice reading nonverbal behavior.
We were all shocked to find out that Lance Armstrong had been involved with illegal substances throughout his seven Tour De France wins. His interview with Oprah, sadly, showed more anger, pride and defiance than sadness and regret.
Overall, he did show some nerves, but very little sadnessï¿½ which is the emotion he should have been feeling if he was truly sorry for his cheating and lying. He also showed anger at the accusations, contempt at the questions, and defiance, which leads me to believe that he still thinks his actions were justified. Oprah then asks him if he believes you need banned substances to win the Tour De France.
He says yes and then smiles. This is a clear explanation about why he was angry at the EPO question--he believes you need to dope to win. Immediately following the smile, he shows contempt. Again, he is irritated that he is being asked these questions. Not only are sadness and sorrow missing through-out the interview. His body actually shows dominance. For example, he is seated in the open leg cross.
This is the position Western cowboys sat in--it signifies confidence and aggressiveness. It also takes up more physical space than sitting in a neutral position or a closed cross, which is a way to claim territory.
Another prideful gesture is when Armstrong refers to himself in a traditional 'chest pound' which only confident, alpha males do. If he felt bad for his actions, he would not be showing such dominant behavior.
Oprah asks Armstrong about why he has been telling lies up until now. Armstrong says, "This story was so perfect for so long. It pleases him that he got away with the story for so long and he liked it when it was perfect--of course, he was doping, winning and getting away with it.
This is one of his few signs of nerves. Petting or scratching the head is a nervous and self-soothing gesture. Like a parent pats a child's head before bed, we do this to calm ourselves down.
I think he was nervous about answering this question--whether because he is ashamed or still hiding something, I think is answered a little later in the interview. I do not believe that Armstrong feels remorse or guilt for his doping. Not only does he say in the beginning that he believes you need the drugs to win, but when he says to Oprah, "My cocktail was only He also flat out says he justifies taking testosterone because of his cancer.
The final evidence for Armstrong's lack of remorse is when he is explaining the 'generation of doping' and says, "I didn't create it, but I didn't stop it. And that's what I have to feel sorry for," and then does a one sided shoulder shrug--one of the most typical body language leaks of liars. I do not believe he feels sorry at all.
Anger and Holding Back Through out the interview Armstrong purses his lips together and raises his chin. This has a double meaning, first pursing your lips usually means you are withholding information.
Since I believe Armstrong feels justified in his actions, I believe he is holding back all of his justifications for what he did. And the chin raise is part of the microexpression for anger.
I think he is angry that he has been caught and having to answer the questions. Suing Shame The one time I think Armstrong shows shame is when he is talking about suing people who he knew were telling the truth.
Not only does he touch his face much more during this segment--a self comforting gesture we do when we are nervous. But he also uses distancing language because I think he is ashamed. He says, "It's a major flaw. It's a guy who expected to get whatever he wanted and to control every outcome. Contempt At Recklessness Armstrong shows great contempt at his reckless period. Whether this is because he regrets his behavior, or because he regrets being reckless which led to him being caught--we can only guess.
From other clues in the interview, I would say he is more regretful of being caught. Lance Armstrong's body language does not match his verbal content. I think his lies caught up to him and he is confessing and saying sorry because he has to. Appendix 4: Colors Nonverbal behavior does not only have to do with the body, the colors your wear also tell the world and yourself something about you.
Can the color you wear really affect your mood? Research says yes; color can absolutely affect your mood, behavior and stress levels. Color specialist Leatrice Eiseman says how colors affect us correlates to that colors behavior in nature. Eiseman has asked thousands of people what they think of specific colors and has found many patterns.
She explains, "We have a repository of information about a color. For example, the color blue is almost always associated with blue skies, which when we are children is a positive thing -- it means playing outside and fun. Evolutionarily it also means there are no storms to come. This is why it is reminds us of stability and calm. So, how can you pick the perfect color for each situation? Based on the research, here is your personal color guide: What Color Should You Make Your Desktop: Green What color you choose for your desktop and the colors you choose for your website can greatly affect your productivity.
The color green is restful for eyes and produces the least amount of eyestrain. This is a good choice for computer desktops if you are in front of a screen for many hours. Orange is a nice mix of red's passion and yellow's joy. Research has found that orange increases oxygen supply to the brain, produces an energizing effect, and stimulates brain activity.
What Color to Wear on a Date if you're a woman : Red Red is the color of passion and gets blood pumping. Women can wear this to get their date's heart racing. Women love seeing stable men. It is also calming and can help relax both you and your date's nerves. Hockey teams have two color jerseys and switch for home and away games. Interestingly, the NHL in changed it's jersey policy so that home teams had to wear white. The authors of the study compared the sets of data and found that the same teams were assessed significantly more penalties for aggression when they wore the black jerseys than when they wore white.
Workers in blue offices felt the most centered, calm and hopeful towards their work. Since blue can lower heart rates and green reduces anxiety and is associated with money, a combination of blue and green is best for the workplace.
If you like wearing grey, pairing it with a brighter color will help offset the effect. Choosing the color of your office, your clothes or your desktop should not be taken lightly -- colors do affect our moods and productivity. However, colors are not the only thing that affects us -- one can still be efficient in a grey suit or workout well in a black outfit.
But, when given the choice, picking a color that will work with you, and not against you can only help. Appendix 5: The Best Websites on Human Lie Detection I love writing and researching human lie detection, nonverbal communication and human behavior, but I also have an amazing community of fellow authors and writers with my passion and I wanted to give them a shout out.
Here are my favorite authors and blogs on human lie detection and nonverbal behavior: 1. She teaches law enforcement in her courses and has a fantastic blog of resources. Her track record is particularly impressiveï¿½where she logs liars she has caught before the truth was discovered. Liespotting Pamela Meyer writes Liespotting the blog and has just come out with her book which is fantastic. She also has podcasts and videos on her website, which are full of helpful insights.
Paul Ekman Paul Ekman not only writes about nonverbal behavior but has really led the research in this area. His studies and books are groundbreaking and delve deep into both lie detection and nonverbal behaviorï¿½no light reading found here!
You can also see his blog about the TV Show Lie to Me where he talks about the real science in each episode. Science of People.
Spying for Lying Spying for Lying always has very current and up to date videos and commentary on news coverage. In this book, you will learn both body language and lie detection. In a ten minute conversation you are likely to be lied to two to three times. Learn how to spot those lies. This body language book is based on scientifically backed research on the how to read people's nonverbal behavior.
Who Is This Book For? Whether you are a business owner, parent, spouse, employee, human resources director, teacher or student, this book will change the way you interact with those around you.
If you have ever interacted with another person, this book will be useful to you because our everyday interactions are filled with secret nonverbal cues just waiting to be uncovered. Because this book is based in real science, it will debunk some popular myths about lying. Lying Myth 1: If people look to the left, they are lying. If they look to the right they are telling the truth. Although there is some science about eye direction, which we talk about in the book.
It is not the most reliable form of lie detection.
We cannot guarantee that every ebooks is available! In this book, you will learn both body language and lie detection. In a ten minute conversation you are likely to be lied to two to three times. Learn how to spot those lies. If you have ever interacted with another person, this book will be useful to you because our everyday interactions are filled with secret nonverbal cues just waiting to be uncovered.
Whether you are a business owner, parent, spouse, employee, human resources director, teacher or student, this book will change the way you interact with those around you"--Amazon. In Lie Detecting , international expert in undercover operations Dr. David Craig provides readers with an easy-to-follow guide on applying lie-detection skills to your everyday life.
Lie Detecting is the culmination of over twenty years of practical criminology and hundreds of hours of academic research. Split into three parts, the book looks at understanding lies and how to detect lies, and includes an easy reference section that summarizes all the main points.
With full-color photographs and practical examples, Lie Detecting provides anyone with the tools to be a human lie detector. The mystery of what a person is really thinking is finally unlocked in this fascinating and informative book. Wall Street Journal bestseller! For anyone who wants to be heard at work, earn that overdue promotion, or win more clients, deals, and projects, the bestselling author of Captivate, Vanessa Van Edwards, shares her advanced guide to improving professional relationships through the power of cues.
What makes someone charismatic? Why do some captivate a room, while others have trouble managing a small meeting? What makes some ideas spread, while other good ones fall by the wayside? If you have ever been interrupted in meetings, overlooked for career opportunities or had your ideas ignored, your cues may be the problem ï¿½ and the solution. Our cues can either enhance our message or undermine it. In this entertaining and accessible guide to the hidden language of cues, Vanessa Van Edwards teaches you how to convey power, trust, leadership, likeability, and charisma in every interaction.
Whether you're pitching an investment, negotiating a job offer, or having a tough conversation with a colleague, cues can help you improve your relationships, express empathy, and create meaningful connections with lasting impact.
This is an indispensable guide for entrepreneurs, team leaders, young professionals, and anyone who wants to be more influential. Whether you have been scammed in business, swindled out of money, betrayed by a friend, relative, or coworker, or cheated on by a spouse, rest assured you are not alone. The world is full of these most toxic peopleï¿½liars. You can never be sure if people are lying until you analyze their body language, facial expressions, speech patterns, even their online writing patterns.
Now, world-renowned body language expert Dr. Simpson, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and many others at the actual moment they were lying, their specific signals of deception will be permanently etched in your mind. Why do people lie? Do gender and personality differences affect how people lie? The book will show you more accurate and easier ways to spot lies. Lying Myth 2: Liars can't look you in the eyes. Liars actually look you in the eye more because they want to seei f you believe their lie or not.
Lying Myth 3: Emails and IM's are filled with lies because it is easier to lie when people can't see or hear you. Why Is Lie Detection Important? It is important when we know we are being lied to because it can save us money, time and sometimes even our safety.
That can save you money on a faulty house, from hiring a bad employee or making sure you know what is really going on with your child or significant other. Unfortunately, we are not good at detecting lies. That is a little better than a coin toss. We tend to assume the best in people and have a bias towards truth-"innocent until proven guilty. For example, wouldn't it have been great to have known when Lance Armstrong was lying?
Lance Armstrong Lies In his recent Oprah interview, Lance Armstrong's body language was off the charts with lies and inconsistencies. He constantly made the "contempt" microexpression, which you will learn about in the book and showed how he really felt about the interview.
He also showed a dominant and aggressive body posture and seating position. His words said far less than in his body. You can learn how to decode these popular culture segments on TV and in real life.
If you find this case fascinating and wish you could begin to unravel the mysteries of body language, then get your copy of Human Lie Detection and Body Language now! Loading interface About the author. Vanessa Van Edwards 6 books followers. Vanessa Van Edwards is the national bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People, which has been translated into 16 languages.
As founder of Science of People, Vanessa researches human behavior, communication and the science of relationships. Write a Review. Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews. Search review text. Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews. Are you one sketchy mofo or know someone who is? Then this book may be for you. This is a book about unveiling lies with nonverbal cues. It can also be a book about being a better liar I have this weird obsession with trying to catch people lying. It's like a game to me and I think I'm pretty decent at it.
My favorite thing is watching people on tv that have been accused of a crime because then I can play my lying game. Fun times! I'm usually right about their guilt. I'm not sure how I do it, but I think it has something to do with being raised around compulsive liars. Being lied to sucks but at least I got a conciliation prize out of it. For most of us, our subconscious already picks up on these cues, thus giving us a signal that something is "off" about the person. This is the same thing as having a "gut feeling" or a "hunch.
Our brains are very noncommittal. I saw this ebook on Kindle Unlimited and had to have it. I already knew many of the red flags bc I'm a little obsessed with the subject in the book but I thought it was very informative.
This is because liars tend to provide more and more detail to convince you of their lie. The most effective lie detection technique is to stay quiet and listen. You may want to see how the other person fills the silence.
There is possible applies. February you was. Then the this, Samsung zip the books, for.